The word intimacy for me means, into-me-you-see. The addict or alcoholic is not vulnerable enough to allow you to be intimate with him/her. Real trust, honesty and love do not exist in this mindset. In active addiction the walls of defense are up and he/she must protect the disease. So, relationships are built on lies, judgement and false expectations. The individual becomes a victim by their own doing, and will blame you for their failures. This is the alcoholic way.
Intimacy has four dimensions, Physical closeness, setting boundaries. Emotional, surviving conflict, becoming vulnerable and sharing feelings. Mental, a shared value system, common life plans and conscious living. Spiritual, awareness, practice and service. (from Healing Together, Wayne Kritsberg)